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Seasons
This coming Wednesday, March 22, will mark 4 years since I retired. I value my 25-year career with Verizon (formerly GTE, for those who remember that company). I worked hard. I made lots of mistakes, but learned from them. I had opportunities and took on responsibilities I didn’t even know existed when I started there.…
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Strong
Someone close to me who is going through a frightening time with his son who is struggling with mental illness said I was the strongest person he knows. I care about this person and his son dearly, and I appreciate the sentiment, but I always feel uncomfortable with being described that way. I know people…
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Why I Write About What I Write About
A friend recently commented that not all of my blog posts are about child loss. It was a casual remark in the middle of a conversation and not really the topic at hand, so I didn’t dwell on it. But, in thinking about what she said, it’s true and yet it’s not. I’ve written about…
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Number Our Days
Our days are numbered. That’s not a comforting thought, is it? Personally, I’m thankful I do not know what that number is for me. And I’m very grateful I did not know that my daughter’s days were numbered at 11,112. How dreadful it would have been to have that countdown in my mind for 30…
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Souvenirs
One of my favorite songs is “The Older I Get” by Alan Jackson. I love the line: And I don’t mind all the lines from all the times I’ve laughed and cried; souvenirs and little signs of the life I’ve lived. Alan Jackson, “The Older I Get” This week my stepmother went to heaven. She…
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In Our Future
One of my favorite Bible verses comes from Paul’s first letter to the congregation in Thessalonica. In chapter 4 Paul is reminding them of what he taught them about how to live a Godly life. (I love how in verse 11 he tells them to mind their own business.) Starting in verse 13 he changes…
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Should Have Been
This coming Friday, February 10th should have been Rachel’s 6th wedding anniversary. I have to take a deep breath and compose myself every time my mind starts to go down the should, could, would have been path. Of course, I don’t know what her life would be like now any more than I know what mine will…
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No Fear
I talked last week about not liking surprises, of wanting to feel in control. I’ve also talked about being a worrywart. These personality traits and my emotional reactions to things are heightened by the experience of child loss. This is not uncommon; other bereaved parents say they feel changed in the same way. It’s good…
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Control
I think every aspect of who I am has been exacerbated by deep grief. The good things and the not so good. I’m definitely an introvert. When I say this, it seems to surprise some people. Mainly the people I know just professionally. I worked in a corporate environment for more than 30 years before…
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Mama
This past Wednesday, January 11th, marked 28 years since my sweet mama went to Heaven. She was 62. I have lived a year longer so far than she got to. The older I get the more I miss her. You’d think it would be the opposite. And granted it’s not the wracking grief of a…
A Light for My Path
Carrying the torch for bereaved parents.
“Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105
Why I’m Here
It feels impossible that I have lived for more than eight years now (ed. 2025) without one of my children in my life. Yet, here I am. And, here I will be for however many more years I have in this world.
I’ve learned a lot in these ensuing years. Some lessons I didn’t want to learn and some I wouldn’t have learned any other way than through losing Rachel. I would give anything to have remained ignorant. I have learned that losing a child changes you fundamentally, just as becoming a parent does. I have learned that those changes can be hard on relationships. That members of the same family will grieve differently, and we have to give each other grace. That deep and lasting grief can be frightening or uncomfortable to others. That some of those others will pull away. That many more others will stand beside you even when your changed self is hard to be around, awkward, talking too much, silent, laughing inappropriately, or crying uncontrollably.
What doesn’t change is God’s grace and mercy. He is here in the midst of the deepest grief. His Spirit groans for us when we don’t know what to pray. And, in my case, He led me to a wonderful group of other hurting hearts who shared their loss experiences, their faith struggles, and their recognition that though we grieve, we grieve with hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13).
I’ve decided that just maybe I’ve attained enough life lessons to be of some help to other grieving parents. To that end, I launched this blog site and a companion Facebook page. They are open to all, but the target audience is parents who have lost a child and those who love and want to support them. My posts reflect my Christian beliefs and will follow Biblical principles. I welcome questions, comments, humor, soul-baring, vulnerability, doubt, strength, and support.
Laura 3/28/2022
We are all just walking each other home.
Ram Dass
A Light for My Path 