“Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105
Why I’m Here
It feels impossible that I have lived for five years without one of my children in my life. Yet, here I am. And, here I will be for however many more years I have in this world.
I’ve learned a lot in these five years. Some lessons I didn’t want to learn and some I wouldn’t have learned any other way than through losing Rachel. I would give anything to have remained ignorant. I have learned that losing a child changes you fundamentally, just as becoming a parent does. I have learned that those changes can be hard on relationships. That members of the same family will grieve differently, and we have to give each other grace. That deep and lasting grief can be frightening or uncomfortable to others. That some of those others will pull away. That many more others will stand beside you even when your changed self is hard to be around, awkward, talking too much, silent, laughing inappropriately, or crying uncontrollably.
What doesn’t change is God’s grace and mercy. He is here in the midst of the deepest grief. His Spirit groans for us when we don’t know what to pray. And, in my case, He led me to a wonderful group of other hurting hearts who shared their loss experiences, their faith struggles, and their recognition that though we grieve, we grieve with hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13).
I’ve decided that just maybe I’ve attained enough life lessons to be of some help to other grieving parents. To that end, I launched this blog site and a companion Facebook page. They are open to all, but the target audience is parents who have lost a child and those who love and want to support them. My posts reflect my Christian beliefs and will follow Biblical principles. I welcome questions, comments, humor, soul-baring, vulnerability, doubt, strength, and support.
—————– Journal Entry 2/9/2017 ——————– My baby’s getting married tomorrow. Well, no one else would call her a baby. They would call her a competent, confident 30-year-old woman. And I do, too. But to me there is so much more. I still feel the exquisite weight of a sleeping baby on my lap. And the…
Eight years or so ago we decided we wanted to buy a vacation place that would be our spot to relax from the pressures of work and the busyness of suburban life. It would be a fun place to get together with our daughters and grandchildren and also be somewhere that my husband and I…
The beginning of the year 2017 was a whirlwind of joyful busy-ness. We were in the final preparation for my younger daughter’s wedding. Hers had been a whirlwind romance. Rachel had met her husband-to-be almost exactly a year prior to the date of their upcoming wedding. They were engaged just three months after they met.…