A Light for My Path

I have mixed feelings whenever I hear people say that high school was the best time of their life. Partly because I am jealous that they had such a wonderful high school experience. But, also because there’s an awful lot of life after high school, and a lot of joy to be had in those ensuing years.

Not that I had a terrible high school experience; I have lots of good memories and made many dear lifelong friends. Still, adolescence is often filled with self-doubt for most of us. Not that I realized it then. I assumed it was just me. I was not athletic or a cheerleader, nor was I musical. I liked art and I loved getting to be in the senior play. I went to a small school, so there wasn’t a theater group. But, if you took speech as an elective you got to be in that year’s play. Acting and being the class clown both were opportunities to be someone other than myself. People were laughing at a character, not at me. Art was also an extracurricular activity and not a very popular one. I was bright and made good grades, but our class had quite a few truly gifted students and I could never measure up to them.

Even just thinking about some things that happened in high school makes me feel vulnerable.

Several of my childhood friends and I try to arrange a girls’ trip every year. Some years it doesn’t happen, but when it does, it’s one of the year’s highlights for me. We talk about our spouses, children, grandchildren, jobs, retirement, losses, gains (extra chins!). We talk about God a lot. We mostly avoid politics. And, of course, we talk about old friends and school days.

It never fails to surprise me when one of them confesses that she felt awkward and unpopular in school. I see them all as lovely, intelligent, capable, caring people. Then and now. But, most of us are vulnerable to the tendency to be hard on ourselves. To compare ourselves to others and come up short.

We all have good memories of school days, but none of us would want to go back. We all have regrets, but we all have accomplishments that we are rightly proud of.

One major difference between then and now is that we are willing to share our vulnerabilities with each other. Worries and fears that we would never have admitted to for fear of ridicule or rejection in high school are spoken and listened to. Sure, they are often prefaced with:

I’m so embarrassed to admit this, but . . .

Y’all will think this is weird, but . . .

I need to tell you something that I’m worried about, scared of, praying about . . .

But, we say them. And, when we are willing to be vulnerable, we find out that the response is never rejection. Oh, it might be surprise; it might be condolence; it might be loving reprimand. It is often met with shared tears and/or laughter. And, if the vulnerable confession is offered with a sincere request for forgiveness, it is always granted. Always.

Because, we love and cherish each other, despite our differences and imperfections. We recognize our humanness. And, we have all been through things that have brought us closer to God. Sometimes after wandering far off the straight and narrow path. But, if we can be vulnerable and open before God, surely we can be so before each other.

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Laura