Many bereaved parents struggle with how to comfort surviving siblings. Depending on their age, they may not comprehend death and eternity. (It’s hard enough for us adults.) Regardless of their age, having something to remind them of their sister or brother can bring solace and support.
Rachel was thirty when she died and she was the youngest of five siblings. They had all experienced at least one family member’s death and are all Christ followers. Still, the loss of their sister was a blow and hurt them deeply. Each of them asked for something of Rachel’s that exemplified for them some special aspect of her personality.
Rachel’s two sisters both had children – Rachel’s six nieces and nephews. They ranged in age from eighteen months to eleven years old when we lost her in 2017. They were all very fond of their Aunt Rachel and she doted on them. She loved to spend time with them individually and all together. Showing them how an “old-fashioned” record turntable works. Gathering seashells and building sandcastles at the beach. Debating the best flavor of milkshakes.
When she babysat them, she spoiled them almost rotten, but always insisted on sir and ma’am, please and thank you, and bedtime prayers. Good manners were expected and Rachel could be as strict as any of the parents. There was definitely a bond with each of them.
Between the two older sisters and both sets of grandparents, we had quite a few of Rachel’s toys scattered amongst the households. The kids already played with them. They each took a few as keepsakes, but there really wasn’t anything special about the toys. They needed something that would be comforting when they missed her.
Rachel’s husband has two sisters. His family is scattered about the world, some in South Africa (where he grew up), Venice, and Portugal. His mom and youngest sister, Liani, were able to come for the wedding. That was the first and only time Rachel and his sister met in person, but during their short time together they formed a bond. She also has a way with children and helped to keep them entertained while the wedding guests waited for the newlyweds to arrive at the reception.
When Rachel died just two short months after her wedding, her sister-in-law reached out multiple times to me and many of our family members. She was concerned for all of us and asked frequently how the children were coping with their grief. Liani is a talented artist and seamstress and understands how children can bond with and be comforted by a special toy. She offered to make a stuffed bunny for each of the six nieces and nephews. She asked for some of Rachel’s favorite clothes to make them with. Rachel was very fond of pajamas, especially winter ones. So, I sent Liani some of her soft flannel Christmas pj’s to use.
All six of the children loved their Aunt Rachel bunnies. They still have them even though they now range in age from ten to twenty years old. I doubt the two oldest put their bunny on their pillow in their dorm room or apartment. But they have kept them and don’t hesitate to share memories of the bond they had with their aunt.
Side note: In addition to Liani being the sister of my son-in-law, I formed another bond with her. The year after Rachel’s wedding and her fatal accident two months later, Liani lost her young adult son to a drowning accident. As with so many of the bereaved parents I know, this is not a bond we would wish for us or anyone else. But it’s a bond that comforts as much as flannel pajamas or a soft stuffed bunny.
Laura
A Light for My Path 
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