This past Saturday we had a neighborhood party to celebrate the 90th birthday of our next-door neighbor. She is a remarkable lady. Feisty, opinionated, physically active, and mentally sharp. It was a fun and sweet occasion. Her children, grandchildren, and great grands were all in attendance. My husband put together a video with pictures of her starting as a toddler all the way through her life so far. It was sweet, humorous, and poignant.
Our neighbor and her husband were married for more than 60 years. He passed away in 2019, so the pictures with him in them were especially touching. There were lots of smiles, laughs, and a few tears during the evening. We can all hope to live such a full life.
A couple of days ago, I made an admittedly lame joke in response to something my husband said. He rolled his eyes and laughingly replied, “geez, try to act at least half your age.” I retorted, “I wish I were half my age.”
The truth is, I really don’t wish I were half my age. Not if I had to relive some of the painful things I’ve been through and some of the poor choices I made. But, if I made different choices and had different experiences, would I be a better person now? Would I have the life I have now? It’s not perfect, but it’s pretty darn good.
I also wouldn’t want to know about the future. I wouldn’t want to know what was coming. Some of the hard things, like my mother’s incurable cancer, were things I had no control over. How awful it would be if I were 33 again and knew she was going to die, but I couldn’t stop it.
Losing my younger daughter is the most painful event of my life. I don’t know a single parent that wouldn’t give up their own life for their child. Most of us aren’t given that option.
There’s a country song by Diamond Rio called “One More Day.” The singer talks about having a wish granted for one more day with a loved one who has died, and how he would spend that time. The problem is that one perfect day would just leave him wishing for yet another day.
We so often say, “If I’d only known.” God knows better than to reveal the future to us. He knows it’s best not to show us more than we can handle. He has numbered our days, but in His wisdom, doesn’t reveal that number to us. My daughter was given 11,112 days. My mother was given 22,641 days. As of today, my neighbor has had 32,857 days so far.
I really don’t want to know how many more days I will have. I also don’t want to go back.
What I want to do is try harder to make every day one I won’t regret.
Laura
A Light for My Path 
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