A Light for My Path

I have commented more than once that one of the hardest things about losing my daughter was that I also lost a friend.

Rachel was thirty years old when she died in a car accident just two months after her marriage. She and her older sister had very distinct personalities. Her sister liked to please and did not like to get in trouble. Rachel had a stubborn streak and was willing to push back and resist discipline. She was more like me in personality and temperament, which made raising her somewhat of a challenge.

She was also the youngest of five siblings in a blended family. So, she was alternately babied, spoiled, and bossed by the older kids.

Once she went off to college and had some independence, Rachel gained confidence in her ability to navigate life, and her relationship with her older siblings became less combative. It took me a little longer to let go of my tendency to hover and offer unasked-for advice. But, by the time she was venturing out into her career and her adult life, we were settling into an adult relationship. We were becoming friends.

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Despite growing up going to church and Sunday school every week, leading the youth group in my 30s, and attending women’s Bible study for years, I still find myself having aha moments when reading the Bible.

I understand intellectually that Jesus was both fully human and fully divine. But I still have a hard time picturing him doing ordinary human “stuff.” Like making his bed, working in the garden, playing games with other boys, building houses with his father. And I see his relationship with his disciples as leader, teacher, mentor, spiritual advisor.

But he spent several years living with these men. And he interacted frequently with other people specifically mentioned in the Bible, such as Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. He obviously had a close and lasting relationship with them. Enough so that, although both Mary and Martha recognized his divinity, they also were comfortable with talking to him as a friend (remember Martha complaining to him about Mary not helping in the kitchen?).

So, while Jesus had a specific purpose to prepare his disciples to carry on his mission to lead people to salvation, he also had a deep human connection to them. They were his friends (John 15:15).

They had to have been torn apart emotionally to see him tortured and crucified. To see his body wrapped and laid in a tomb. To see him again ALIVE for a few days and then taken away once more. But this time they are left with hope and a mission.

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Please don’t think that I am comparing my loss to the disciples’ loss.

But I was privileged to see my daughter mature into a competent, caring adult. To watch her make sound decisions, cling fast to Biblical principles, and tie her heart and life to a good man. Then, just as she was starting this new chapter of her life, she was swept from this earth. I don’t understand why. But I have faith that she fulfilled her purpose here. I am blessed to be her mother.

And proud to have been her friend.

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Laura