One of the devotionals I read each morning is Our Daily Bread.
(Just an aside: I remember my grandparents getting the little monthly booklets in the mail. It has been around since 1938. I read it via the app on my phone. My grandparents would be happy that I subscribe and amazed at the technology.)
The devotional from this past December 30th is titled “Troubled Souls, Honest Prayers” by Arthur Jackson. This paragraph stuck with me and I saved it to ponder on more during Easter season:
Jesus would enter the garden of Gethsemane on the evening of Passover Thursday, probably three days after the events described in John 12:27-32. Unlike the other three gospels, John doesn’t describe Christ’s anguish in Gethsemane. But he lets us know that Jesus is already tasting the sorrow coming His way. “Now my soul is troubled,” Christ said (v. 27). In Gethsemane, Jesus would pray, “Not as I will, but as you [the Father] will” (Matthew 26:39). In John, he prays, “Father, glorify your name!” (12:28). Author Warren Wiersbe says that when we experience trials, there are two prayers we can pray: “Father, save me!” or “Father, glorify Your name!” As His hour of trial approached, Jesus chose the latter, praying, “What shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour” (v. 27).
Arthur Jackson, Our Daily Bread
I will admit that there have been times in my life when I was so hurt, scared, angry, or worried that praising and glorifying God was hard to do. I’ve also quite often been stubbornly intent on being in control and righting my own ship and it wasn’t until I was almost in over my head that I turned to God for help.
The hardest trial I’ve ever endured, the worst pain I’ve ever felt, the deepest pit I’ve ever been in is the loss of my daughter. I had a lot of questions for and a lot of anger at God. I could not understand how He allowed her to die just when things were going so well in her life. At 30, she was moving up in her career and had just started a new job in a company with opportunities for advancement. She was two months into her marriage to a wonderful man. They were talking about shopping for a house and possibly fostering children. All that joy and all those dreams of the future shattered by a mistake in traffic that took her life.
I should say the joys and dreams of those of us who loved her were shattered. Her joy and her future became eternal.
I am grateful to know for certain that she lives on in Heaven. And I am grateful that the unbearable pain and deep anger I felt has mellowed over the past seven years. But, I still have moments when the I feel myself sliding back into that pit. The Easter season is one those times. Rachel died on April 11th in 2017, five days before Easter. We held her memorial service the day before Easter. It somehow felt fitting to mourn while also knowing that there was a resurrection to celebrate.
I agree with Mr. Wiersbe that there are two prayers we can pray, but I don’t agree with his “or.”
I believe we can, and should, pray “Father, save me AND glorify Your name.” Both.
Laura
A Light for My Path 
Leave a comment