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Replacements
This past October I had the opportunity to attend a retreat for bereaved mothers hosted by Melanie DiSimone. She is a writer, the leader and moderator of a Facebook group for bereaved parents entitled Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child, author of a blog The Life I Didn’t Choose, and, most recently the…
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I Miss Them
This past Saturday marked thirty years since my mother went to Heaven. She died of breast cancer in 1995 at the age of 62. I’m older now than she was when she died. She would be 92 now and few of her contemporaries are still living. Yet, her mother lived to be 95 and was…
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Happy? New Year
A fellow bereaved parent expressed surprise that the New Year hit her harder than Christmas did. She was prepared to be sad and emotional at Christmas, but she got through it okay. Instead, she found herself weeping on New Year’s Eve and waking up depressed the next morning. I commented that even almost eight years…
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Friends
I have commented more than once that one of the hardest things about losing my daughter was that I also lost a friend. Rachel was thirty years old when she died in a car accident just two months after her marriage. She and her older sister had very distinct personalities. Her sister liked to please…
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Not Prepared
One of the members of a bereaved parent Facebook page recently posted this passage. We Weren’t Prepared One minute you were here, the next, you were gone. There was no opportunity to say goodbye, to tell you we love you, one more time. We could not hug you, breathe you in or kiss your cheek.…
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Gap
Like most folks we took a group family photo after Thanksgiving dinner, and we probably will take another one Christmas day. I love random photos that capture people at their most real. Doing something they love, laughing uncontrollably, genuinely surprised, or in a pensive mood. The subject of the picture often feels like it isn’t…
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What Are We Waiting For?
The word advent means “the arrival of a notable person, thing, or event” (Oxford online dictionary). From a Christian perspective, Advent is the time period encompassing the four Sundays preceding Christmas. Each year we reflect on and prepare for the coming of the Christ child. We read special devotionals, sing carols, decorate trees, light candles,…
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Light
The second Sunday in December is Worldwide Candle Lighting Day to honor the memory of children who have died. It started out specifically to commemorate children who died of cancer, but in 1997 The Compassionate Friends organization expanded it to include all children who left this world too soon. Families light a candle at 7:00…
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Bleak
Last week I wrote about a song called Thanksgiving Song. I talked about how the words encourage me to think about an eventual Heavenly banquet where we will know eternal gratitude. If you’re like me, you’re still finishing up Thanksgiving leftovers. Maybe you have your Christmas tree up and lights on your house. Perhaps you…
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Thanksgiving Song
There’s a beautiful song by Mary Chapin Carpenter called simply “Thanksgiving Song.” The words are spare with repeating phrases almost like the blessing a child would say at dinner. It is poignant for anyone listening to it, but especially thought-provoking for a grieving parent. It goes: Grateful for each hand we holdGathered ’round this tableFrom…
A Light for My Path
Carrying the torch for bereaved parents.
“Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105
Why I’m Here
It feels impossible that I have lived for more than eight years now (ed. 2025) without one of my children in my life. Yet, here I am. And, here I will be for however many more years I have in this world.
I’ve learned a lot in these ensuing years. Some lessons I didn’t want to learn and some I wouldn’t have learned any other way than through losing Rachel. I would give anything to have remained ignorant. I have learned that losing a child changes you fundamentally, just as becoming a parent does. I have learned that those changes can be hard on relationships. That members of the same family will grieve differently, and we have to give each other grace. That deep and lasting grief can be frightening or uncomfortable to others. That some of those others will pull away. That many more others will stand beside you even when your changed self is hard to be around, awkward, talking too much, silent, laughing inappropriately, or crying uncontrollably.
What doesn’t change is God’s grace and mercy. He is here in the midst of the deepest grief. His Spirit groans for us when we don’t know what to pray. And, in my case, He led me to a wonderful group of other hurting hearts who shared their loss experiences, their faith struggles, and their recognition that though we grieve, we grieve with hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13).
I’ve decided that just maybe I’ve attained enough life lessons to be of some help to other grieving parents. To that end, I launched this blog site and a companion Facebook page. They are open to all, but the target audience is parents who have lost a child and those who love and want to support them. My posts reflect my Christian beliefs and will follow Biblical principles. I welcome questions, comments, humor, soul-baring, vulnerability, doubt, strength, and support.
Laura 3/28/2022
We are all just walking each other home.
Ram Dass
A Light for My Path 