I read devotionals from several sources each morning. One of them is Proverbs 31 Ministries. In 2021 I began to entertain the thought of sharing my journey of child loss through a blog site. I just wasn’t sure how to start. I felt like my grief was still too raw and I didn’t want to throw my emotions out for public consumption (any more than I already had). I needed some guidance about blogging and someone who would give me unbiased feedback about my writing.
I was familiar with Proverbs 31 Ministries. I had heard of Lisa Terkeurst, an inspirational Christian author and the head of the P31 organization. When I looked at their website, I was pleased to find their daily devotionals – another source for writing examples! But I was overjoyed to find that they offered writing classes. When you sign up for their classes, they assign you to a critique group of 6-8 other women writers with a group leader who moderates the discussions and keeps track of the schedule. The group was welcoming and kind. After a year, I was asked to step into the group leader role. I also felt ready to start my blog. In 2023 I left the critique group but remained friends with several of the members. I love seeing where they have gone with their talent. Many have social media presence. Some have published books. I recognize some of their names when I read the daily devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries.
The author of this past Tuesday’s devotional wasn’t a familiar name, but the title of her piece drew me in, “Raising Daughters in Every Season.”
She starts by talking about how she caught her breath when she saw her daughter’s reflection in the mirror as she adjusted her wedding veil. She says, “Our eyes locked, and while marveling at the beautiful bride before me, I saw my little girl.” She talks about how life will be different now with her daughter becoming a wife. Their relationship will necessarily change. She will always be her mother, her safe place, her prayer warrior. And yet, as a mother, every day “you are training for your future relationship.”
She goes on, “Who you are not: You are not in control of your adult daughter’s decisions or responsible for her mistakes. Your role is not to be a controller or fixer.”
These words hit home doubly for me. I have had the privilege of raising two daughters. I remember so well the feeling of pride, love, and amazement at seeing each of them as a bride. Of watching their father walk each of them down the aisle and hand each of them over to a wonderful man. Each of whom was the perfect husband for that young woman.
I have tried (but not always succeeded) not to be a controller or fixer in my married daughters’ lives. They were raised to be strong and independent and to take responsibility for their mistakes. My older daughter and her husband have been married nearly 22 years now. They are raising four wonderful children. There have been lots of changes since I adjusted her veil and kissed her cheek for the last time as an unmarried woman. But there have been hundreds of kisses and hugs and breath-catching moments in the interim.
That veil adjustment and kiss on the cheek of my younger daughter was the last one I ever had. Her wedding day was the last day I got to spend with her in person. I could not control or fix or pray away the fact that she died in a car accident just two months later.
The devotional “Raising Daughters in Every Season” not only brought back beautiful memories of past seasons. It made me nostalgic for the future relationship I should have had with Rachel. Did I mention it was published on February 10th?
On what would have been Rachel’s ninth wedding anniversary.
Laura
A Light for My Path 
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