A Light for My Path

I cry easily. Books, movies, music, sermons, words of scripture can all move me to tears. I’m also a sympathetic crier. If someone I care about is hurting or scared, I cry for and with them. When I was younger, I was often embarrassed by how easily my tears came. I’ve grown to realize that’s just part of my nature. I don’t mean to make others uncomfortable, but I carry my heart on my sleeve. And a good cry can be cathartic.

 My husband is also tenderhearted. As a man, he often tries to hide his emotions. He will attempt to deflect with humor, sarcasm, or stoicism. In serious situations he will show concern and comfort to others while trying to keep his own sorrow at bay. But I know he cares deeply and it hurts him to see others hurting.

Our culture sends mixed messages to men. While it certainly frowns on them being callous brutes there’s still an expectation that they be manly. But also, be a gentleman. Be strong, but kind. Protect those you love, but don’t be too harsh with that protection.

We haven’t had a pet for almost nine years now. Our last cat, Holly, lived to be 21 years old and was very spoiled. In her old age she spent a lot of time curled in my husband’s lap or sleeping on his pillow. Our bedroom used to be off limits to our cats, but that rule somehow got overlooked when our kitty was old and arthritic. When we reminisce about our pets, he will get wistful and say how much he misses them. But, if I suggest we could get another cat he always says, “I can’t take the heartbreak.”

This heartbreak isn’t actually all about our cat. Holly passed away just five months after our younger daughter died in a car accident. As much as we love our pets, the death of a pet in no way compares with the loss of one’s child. But my tenderhearted husband was so devastated over the loss of his stepdaughter that it was hard for him to even talk about her for almost a year. The duty he felt to comfort and protect me in my grief kept him from truly expressing his own. The loss of our cat was just another blow to his hurting heart.

There are lots of examples of righteous manly men in the Bible. At the same time, there are a lot of verses that counsel us (men and women) to be kind, sympathetic, gentle, and compassionate; in other words, tenderhearted.

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be tender-hearted and humble. 1 Peter 3:8

Of course, the best examples of tender-heartedness come from Jesus himself. Many of his miracles were performed because he took compassion on someone. He wept when he saw his dear friends Mary and Martha grieving their brother, even while He knew he was going to resurrect Lazarus.

My husband and I are normal human beings. We are flawed. He can be sarcastic. I can be judgmental. We both sometimes have to apologize for our unkind behavior.

But, I’m sorry, I’m not going to apologize for being tenderhearted.

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Laura