Last week I talked about grief triggers and how pictures especially can trigger tears. Both pictures with my daughter in them and ones taken since her death can stab my heart and make me smile at the same time.
The last pictures I have of Rachel were taken at her wedding. She died in a car accident just two short months later. In fact, the last time I saw her in person was at her wedding. We talked by phone during that time, but she and her husband were busy consolidating apartments. Rachel had given notice at her job and was busy wrapping up projects for them while finalizing her employment contract with her new company. My job at the time was also pretty demanding. I could hear her happiness through the phone, and I knew she was finding joy in her new married life despite the stresses of moving and a new job. We had plenty of time to get together when things settled down.
So, her wedding pictures are especially poignant. In none of them does she look like a nervous bride. Even the ones having her hair and makeup done and her sister ensuring her veil is on straight. In all of them Rachel looks serene. Focused, yes. But calm. Completely sure that what she is doing and about to do is right and blessed.
As at most weddings, the photographer took a lot of pictures in the time between the wedding and the reception. But unlike at many weddings, these pictures were just of the bride and groom. Formal wedding party photos were taken at the church and lots of fun, informal ones were taken at dinner. But while guests were making their way from the church to the restaurant, just the three of them set out together.
The wedding was on Amelia Island off the northeast coast of Florida. It was late afternoon and the sun was setting. The photographer captured such stunningly intimate portraits of Rachel and her husband they take my breath away. One I especially love is after Rachel changed out of her wedding gown into a short but elegant white dress. She and her husband stopped under a streetlight on their way into the restaurant and slowly danced for a moment.
Then they came marching up the stairs, Rachel in the lead grinning from ear to ear, where they joined the party in full swing.
I didn’t see the in-between pictures until after Rachel died. And, in a way I’m glad I didn’t. She was so utterly “in the moment.” She and her husband were in their own circle. Complete. Just the two of them.
I imagine she looks that way in Heaven. Blissful. Calm. Complete.
On the other hand, I can see her marching up that golden staircase. Grinning from ear to ear. Joining the heavenly party in full swing.
Both pictures stab my heart and make me smile at the same time. Dadgum triggers.
A Light for My Path 
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