A Light for My Path

Because all my writing for this blog reflects my experience in child loss, I often come back to the same themes. And a lot of these themes have to do with what I’ve learned about God’s character or His Word. Hope has been on my mind a lot lately. But when I checked back through my past posts, I found that about a year-and-a-half ago I wrote a blog post titled “Hope.” I didn’t want to use the same title twice, but since my brain wouldn’t let go of the word, I’m using it (again).

And once again my reflections about hope come from one of Paul’s letters in the Bible. This time it’s from his letter to the Christians in Rome. He tells them that their hope in the glory of God will not put them to shame (Romans 5:5). In other words, we can be confidently hopeful that God’s glory will be manifest in our hearts by his Holy Spirit because of our faith and belief in Jesus. We have no reason to ever be ashamed of our faith and hope.

I love that verse. It gives me a boost when I feel the courage of my conviction starting to slip.

I have to admit though that I struggle with the couple of verses that come right before it. The second half of verse 2 through verse 4 says:

And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. 

Romans 5:2-4

The online Oxford dictionary says the meaning of the word glory as a verb (i.e., glorying) is to “take great pride or pleasure in.”

I have a really hard time glorying in my sufferings, specifically the sufferings of child loss. I do not take great pleasure in the loss of my daughter. I know she is in Heaven. There’s glory in knowing that. But I am not thankful for her death. I am not happy that she died.

Yet, I have learned a lot in the almost eight years since Rachel died. I’ve learned God’s character is eternal and steadfast. I have persevered because I know this world is not all there is. And in the meantime, I have found there are still many things to be joyful about: my husband, family, friends, good health, nature, music … the list goes on.

Perhaps the things I have learned balance out my inability to glory in her loss. Perhaps God will forgive me and not put me to shame.

I hope so.

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Laura