A Light for My Path

According to my online dictionary, an “old soul” is a term often used to describe someone who exhibits wisdom, maturity, and a depth of understanding that seems beyond their years. People who identify as old souls may feel more connected to the past, prefer deeper conversations over small talk, and possess a sense of empathy and introspection.

I often thought of Rachel as an old soul. She was definitely an introvert. And she certainly often felt like a misfit, preferring the company of adults to her peers, with whom she was sometimes awkward in conversation. She liked tradition and wanted to replicate the way her grandparents, and even her great-grandmother decorated for Christmas or the dishes they always served. She loved old music – the traditional hymns, gospel, classic country, and bluegrass tunes her granddaddy played and sang. As a young adult, she often commented that guys her age seemed incapable of doing the things she felt were expected of a man (working on their cars, fixing a leak, killing a snake).

You might say she was just a cranky old lady in a young woman’s body. But, as a somewhat cranky old lady myself, I prefer to think of her as an old soul.

Was she wise beyond her years? I don’t want to put her on a pedestal. It’s easy to look back selectively at things she did and said and grant her some kind of posthumous sage-hood. Because we all want to make sense of a life that’s lost too soon.

I remember one particular conversation we had when she first started seeing the man she eventually married. He is a wonderful person. I was worried, however, about their age difference: 20 years. I asked her if she was prepared to accept the changes that would come when they were 50 and 70, respectively, rather than 30 and 50. She said, “no one knows what will happen twenty years from now. There’s no guarantee even that I will outlive him just because of the age difference. We take each day God gives us.”

I did not take her words as some kind of omen. Just the opposite. I took them as a stubborn young woman not wanting advice from her mother. She was plenty old enough to decide who she would marry. And she was right. Her choice was good, and I came to appreciate that her husband was the perfect match for her.

But her words come back to me frequently, especially as we approach the eight year mark of her move to Heaven. Maybe her soul matured much more quickly than her 30 ½ bodily years here on earth. I don’t think her words were a warning sign. I don’t think God works that way. I do think God gives me absolute assurance that Rachel was ready for Heaven. Whether as a 30-year-old old soul or a cranky old lady. He also gives me assurance that there are many more old souls there. And some day Rachel will introduce me to all of them.

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Laura