A Light for My Path

I recently finished a 12-day devotional series called Hope in the Dark. It was centered around the book of Habakkuk and his response to and eventual acceptance of God’s message to him that he was going to send the Babylonians to destroy the nation of Israel. If this news wasn’t frightening enough, God expected Habakkuk to take this news to the king.

The first two paragraphs of the devotional say:

Sometimes, even when we remember all that God has done for us, it doesn’t change our circumstances. Sometimes we just have to accept that it’s beyond our understanding right now and just keep going. But we must also realize that acceptance is not denial.

When you accept what God is doing, you don’t simply stuff your feelings down and let your heart die, even as you’re practicing your smile in the mirror and memorizing Bible verses. When you accept that God’s up to something that you can’t see or understand right now, you don’t just roll over and play dead and resign yourself to despair. No, you keep praying for a miracle from him unless he tells you otherwise. But you don’t pretend that everything is okay when clearly it’s not.

From Hope in the Dark by Pastor Craig Groeschel

The death of my daughter is not comparable in scale to the destruction of a whole nation. But, it was devastating to me. It changed my life forever. It blew a lot of holes through the sweet bubble of a life I lived in. One that included my happily married daughters building their families, and my adorable grandchildren blossoming into competent adults, while my husband and I enjoyed an active retirement in the country, frequently surrounded by our ever-growing brood.

Okay, so we aren’t living in some Hallmark movie. Our life is not all bliss and joy. And we didn’t expect it to be.

But, we also didn’t expect to see our new son-in-law become a widower two months into his marriage. We didn’t expect to be planting a tree in our yard that guards our daughter’s ashes buried in an urn underneath it.

We aren’t denying that these things happened. But, we are not okay with them. I will never pretend to be okay with them.

I will never understand in this lifetime why God didn’t intervene and keep Rachel’s car from colliding head-on with a dump truck. I couldn’t pray for a miracle because I didn’t even know it was happening – or had happened – until her husband called to tell me she was dead.

I could have lost my faith in God. I could have denied His existence. But, all that would mean is I would be without my daughter and my God. That’s not a good way to live.

So, I don’t deny God. I also don’t deny that a horrible thing happened and I can’t change it. But, I have accepted it. And, I trust that God will not deny me.

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Laura