A Light for My Path

Many of my blog posts have been inspired by something I’ve read, often a devotional or something written by another bereaved parent. Occasionally, I find myself disagreeing with or having a hard time accepting someone else’s idea or opinion.

One example comes from a reading in “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young. Her devotional for October 14^th honestly kind of stuck in my craw. I’ve had it on my “blog post ideas” list for over a year and a half. Every time I read it, it makes me uncomfortable.

The devotional starts this way:

Be prepared to suffer for Me, in My Name. All suffering has meaning in My kingdom. Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Me. Bearing your circumstances bravely – even thanking Me for them – is one of the highest forms of praise.

(If you are unfamiliar with Ms. Young’s book, she writes as though Jesus were speaking directly to the reader.)

I know that we live in a fallen world and we will all experience pain. We will sin and we will hurt others, as well. God has given us free will and we do not always obey Him. We are imperfect and we make mistakes. Sometimes our mistakes or actions can even be deadly.

My daughter Rachel made a mistake in traffic in a construction zone near her workplace. She had started a new job just two weeks prior and we believe her unfamiliarity with the area and the daily changing traffic patterns confused her. She died instantly in a head-on collision with a construction vehicle.

I know she is in Heaven and is not suffering. But, those of us who loved her are suffering very much, even seven years later. This kind of suffering was not something I was prepared for. It may have meaning, but I may never understand it until I join her in Heaven. I do trust that God has everything under control. But, I cannot thank Him for the pain of losing my daughter.

I hear these same sentiments from SO many other grieving parents. “Why did God let my daughter die?” “What meaning am I supposed to get from losing my innocent little boy?” “How do I praise Him (thank Him!) when I am heartbroken?”

I don’t believe it’s wrong to question God. In fact, when we are feeling hurt, fear, confusion, and any other hard emotion, who better to ask why these things are happening than God? People have been doing it since the beginning of time. There are some pretty powerful examples in the Bible.

In Psalm 22, David (a king and direct ancestor of Jesus) asks:

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish?

Psalm 22:1

And, James the brother of Jesus, writing to the twelve tribes of Israel says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” (James 1:2-3)

Another Biblical giant, Paul, describes in his second letter to the church in Corinth some of the hardships he has endured:

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death.

The saving grace in these examples, and in every example, is, well, God’s saving grace. Time and time again He comforts us. I have felt His comfort throughout my grief journey. I don’t know that I will ever be able this side of Heaven to be thankful that Rachel left this world before I did. My faith has indeed been tested and I have persevered. And, while I will never find joy in the loss of my daughter, I have learned to appreciate things I used to take for granted.

My anger, fear, and grief are not unique to me. Neither is my crying out to God in despair. If the likes of David, Paul, and Jesus himself have prayed, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me” I am in good company.

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Laura