A Light for My Path

I fully admit, I’m a softie. I cry easily. Movies and books make me cry. Sentimental cards and commercials. Weddings and new babies. Old photos of loved ones. Hugs from friends I haven’t seen in a long time. The tears of other hurting hearts.

I’ve always been a sympathetic person. I am quick to recognize when someone is troubled, sad, angry. I’m pretty good at reading others’ expressions and knowing how they are feeling. Since losing my daughter, I am more and more becoming an empathetic person, as well.

In talking about personal growth, an article on Dave Ramsey’s website describes the difference between sympathy and empathy this way:

Sympathy is acknowledging someone else’s pain, but empathy is choosing to feel the pain with them. Sympathy says, “I care about you,” and empathy says, “I’m hurting with you.”

Dr. John Delany, “Empathy vs Sympathy: What’s the Difference?”

Both of these emotions are good to possess. If you have trouble reading people’s expressions, you may react in an inappropriate way to their feelings. And, even if you are empathetic, it isn’t always healthy for you to reach the same level of emotion as someone else, depending on the circumstance. First responders, doctors, counselors, for example, need to be able to acknowledge the pain or anger or fear that someone has, but they need to also remain objective in order to help.

But, most of the time we are interacting with others on a personal, not professional, level. If we truly care about the person, their joy will make us joyful and their pain will make us hurt.

In John, chapter 11 we read the familiar story of Jesus resurrecting his dear friend Lazarus. The sight of Mary, and the other mourners with her, weeping moved Jesus to tears Himself. They did not yet know that Jesus would bring Lazarus back to life, and He empathized with their pain.

Now, I don’t know much about the cultural expectations of men in Jesus’s time. We read about a lot of weeping and wailing by men in the Old Testament. Not as much in the New. Jesus was not one to hold back on His emotions, but I don’t know how acceptable it was for a man to weep openly in public. Certainly, the Jewish mourners were taken enough by Jesus’s tears to exclaim “See how he loved him!” (verse 36)

I do know that these days it’s still rare to see a man cry in public. Men are expected to be strong and to support the women in their life. I have seen my husband’s face look stricken and sad. I have seen my husband tear up. I know he has wept bitterly many times, but he has done it in private. He will support me in any way possible when I am sad, but I can tell he feels anxious and uncomfortable.

Men will almost always say, “Oh, please don’t cry.”

Women will almost always say, “Go ahead, let it out.”

I have teared up along with my toddlers when they got their first shot. I have cried with my teens when they were rejected by a friend or suffered their first heartbreak. I have sobbed with my mother when she had a mastectomy and felt her female body was no longer beautiful.

And, when I meet another mother who has had to bury her child, I will hug her, weep with her, and say to her, “Go ahead, let it all out.”

Because I know how she feels. And, yes, because I’m a softie.

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Laura