A Light for My Path

I love the name of the bereaved parents’ group, While We’re Waiting. It encapsulates so much in a few words. The implication is that we have faith and the hope of Heaven which means we will see our children and other loved ones again. That is a glorious promise and a comfort.

Missing our children makes us yearn even more for eternity. But, as my good friend says, “I know where I’m going, I just don’t want to go there yet.”

Not that we have a choice about when we go – as we grieving parents know too well. Still, we have reasons for wanting to wait a while. Many grieving parents have young children at home they need and want to raise. Some of us have grown children and grandchildren who we want to spend time with while we are still healthy and able. So many bereaved parents I know have channeled their grief into establishing or supporting programs and causes in their child’s name and memory. We all want to see the fruits of our labors. There are lots of reasons to want to spend more time on Earth.

I admit I am often torn between the two desires: to stay or to go. Not in a self-destructive way. I would love to live another thirty years or so with good physical and mental health, and then peacefully transition to Heaven in my sleep one night. I also have fears about what could occur during my remaining time that is out of my control. It scares me to think about the bad things that could happen to people I love. I know how deep grief can cut. Having lived through it doesn’t make me feel stronger; it makes me scared of experiencing it again.

One thing that comforts me and assuages my anxiety is thinking about God’s time versus our time. Eternity is impossible for humans to truly fathom. In Exodus 3:14 when God speaks to Moses through a burning bush Moses asks God what his name is. God calls himself I AM. In John 8:58 Jesus reflects this same phrasing when he says “Before Abraham was, I am.” Not, I was or I will be, but I am. Because there was no before or after for God (or for Jesus as his son and also God incarnate – another bewildering concept). Father/Son/Holy Spirit always are. No beginning. No end.

I don’t fully comprehend this, but it comforts me.

No matter how long something takes, it’s nothing compared to eternity. There’s no such thing as “hurry” in Heaven. When I beg God to give me patience, I expect He smiles and says, “oh I am, child. Wait for it.”

So, while I’m waiting, I’m trying to learn to live for eternity. Not, as soon as possible though. But, as long as it takes.

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Laura