A fellow bereaved mother hosts a private social media group for grieving parents. She also writes a daily blog sharing her experiences and her faith. She has inspired and encouraged me to keep going when I feel like this path of grief is too long and dark. A few days ago, in her blog she talked about how hard it is to look ahead, to think about the future without your child. She said:
“When I dared look past the moment to the days, weeks, months, DECADES that stretched before me, I was undone.”
Melanie DeSimone, The Life I Didn’t Choose
Her wise advice is to take each day, sometimes even each hour, at a time. Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by the future. That’s good advice for many stressful situations, but for a grieving parent, it’s a lifeline. Parents are not supposed to outlive our children. To think about not having your child in your life is heart-wrenching. To live that reality feels impossible.
When I hit a milestone, such as my daughter’s birthday or her death day, it never fails to knock me to my knees that I have managed to live another year without my own flesh and blood in this world. For some reason, this April 11th milestone, six years since Rachel has been gone, hit me especially hard. Not what I would have thought of as a “significant” milestone like five or ten years, but hard just the same.
I found myself staring down a very dark road. I would look at pictures of myself from her wedding or a fun family event and realize how much I have aged. Grief leaves physical marks as well as psychological ones. If I live to at least the average life expectancy of my demographics, I’ve got 17 or more years ahead of me. A lot about my appearance will necessarily change in that time.
I started worrying that when I get to Heaven Rachel won’t know me.
Rationally, I know this fear is unfounded. There are many passages in the Bible that indicate friends and loved ones, even strangers, will be known by each other in Heaven. In Matthew chapter 17, he writes that at the Transfiguration, Peter, James, and John recognized Moses and Elijah, who of course they had never met in the flesh. Later in chapter 26, Matthew tells how Jesus told his disciples at the Last Supper that He would share wine with them again in Heaven. In his first letter to the Thessalonians, Paul writes a message specifically to believers who are mourning a loved one that they will be “caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air.” 1 Thessalonians 4:17.
So, God’s Word tells me that she and I will know each other and will have a relationship in Heaven. I also know that time means nothing in Heaven – we will be eternal. But, it means something here. And, even though in hindsight six years has gone by quickly, 17, 20, possibly even 30 future years before that reunion happens feels impossible to bear. It’s hard to envision it. Just like it’s hard to see ahead on this path, or see my changing face in the mirror. But, the Bible has reassurance for that worry, as well:
“For now we see in a mirror, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.”
1 Corinthians 13:1
I need to heed my friend’s advice to not stare too far down the road. To take each day as it comes and not let myself get undone by the future. To have faith that I will see Rachel, and my parents, and Moses, and . . . JESUS! And, I will know Him and He will know me.
Laura
A Light for My Path 
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